Thursday, May 26, 2011

Playing Games

I've been staring into my mask lately.  Started to think that maybe I don't need it anymore, maybe masks don't help as much as we've considered.

Now I'm not dissing Maduin's love of masks, of course.  Hell, if anything he's still one of the more sane people out here.  Maybe I should've started wearing masks sooner, by that logic.

Anyways, for now, it's staying put, for now, I still have a job to do, and precious little time.

And it's a pain in the ass to try to get a task done when I'm either being boneblocked, or chained up by a curvy psycho named Rika.

I suppose she'd like me to call her my nemesis.

Maybe she is.

Nevertheless, there's a lot so far that has been unsaid.  Of course, most of you readers out there think I'm going to make a Foe Yay joke, as deserved as it may be, since I've stolen more than my share of looks at her sweet curves, and she's called me sugar enough times that I'm almost trained to respond to it.

However, there's other things to be said as well, from one wayward soul to possibly my only kindred spirit, even if she's on the other side...  I've always felt that I've done evil for the sake of good, and that somehow, maybe she's done the same.  I can't place how I feel this, or why.  Maybe I just want to wish the best about her.

Having finished my business in the northwest, I've decided I need to turn my sights back to my destination.  My schedule's been thrown way off, and my frequent disorientation and blackouts don't help either.

So I decided to play a game of my own on Tuesday.

We were playing a lover's game of cat and mouse, Rika and I.  I started to notice her before she could find me, and sometimes I'd realize she would tail me for an hour as I crossed city streets.

My shoes are in tatters now, and my feet aren't any better.  Wish I had a vehicle to work with, to make some good ground, but alas, I am no serial carjacker.

Just a son of a bitch with a bag of bones, trying to end this mess of a problem.

It was a wet day as I passed through some small town in...Pennsylvania, I think.   The sky was overcast still, my feet were wet, and my clothes clung to me, making my discomfort a bit less enjoyable.

Wet clothes aren't as big a nuisance as my other issues, let alone the big problem in my life, in our lives.

The invisible stalker in the midst.  The alien we've come to jokingly call Slendy, or Mr. Thin,  or any other amount of derogatory names.  A way of hiding our fear of an inhuman entity that we cannot fathom.

I remember when I saw him in the parking lot outside of St. Vee's Hospital.   A silent vigil held by an eight foot tall abomination, as he stood in the grass before the main entrance.  I fell out of my chair by the window, my heart raced, and I felt terror flutter down my spine.

And maybe, just maybe it was a bit exciting too.  Is that so wrong?  To want a life of passion and excitement, danger even?

I wanted a purpose back then, and now that I have one, well, maybe I was better off leaving poor enough alone.

Stay on task, zero...zerosage, swordsage  whatever the fuck i call myself anymore...

I had ducked behind a building just at the edge of town, fairly confident I had eluded my yellow and red clad stalker.  My hiding spot consisted of two plastic garbage cans just down a bit of a rise.  While not too uncomfortable by comparison to some of my napping spots, it was a long wait before my vixen came down the road past me.

One thing I always enjoyed about Erika, was her bright colors and willingness to show off her physique.  I know this sounds sort of lecherous to you all, but it reminded me that I was still alove, that I was still a man somewhere deep inside.  Even if her yellow tight blouse was dim and muted in my vision, there was plenty left to admire of her, not even taking into account her cleverness, and passion.

She looked from side to side, on her tip toes for a moment, as if that extra inch of height would help her locate me.  I gripped my blade's handle...and kicked out the rubber trash cans, giving her a start.

Me>>>  It ends today, Rika...

She looked startled, as she turned to face me.  No weapon was in her hand after all.  It would've made a fine ambush, if only I could've struck from here.  If I could've struck her at all.

Rika>>>  What do you think you're doing, sugar?  You know you can't take a swing at me.

She laughed, placing a hand to her chest, as if I were some puppy doing a trick for her.

While I may have led her on a merry chase, I suppose I was harmless to her,  I mean, she didn't even retrieve a hammer, or even a knife in case of combat.  Because I always ran.  Always.

Me>>>  Maybe not...but I figured out how I can get you out of my life, so I can get this shit done, and move on with my life.

Rika chuckled.  She always laughs.  Never a threat to her...never a man

Rika>>>  Ohhh how's that, hun?  You going to call the cops on me again?  Or steal a car to lose me in the dust?  You know I can't be held, and you know I'll always find you.  You're so silly...

I chuckled too.  We shared a soft laugh, and I nodded, admittedly at my past attempts to remove her nonviolently from my life.

Me>>>  Maybe, maybe.

I held up a finger.

Me>>>  But I have one more thought up my sleeve.  See....I've tried to finesse my way past you,  I've tried to stealth my way past you.  And given your obviously athletic frame...

She giggled, a hand to her lips.

Rika>>> You noticed!

Me>>>  I did.  But the one thing I haven't tried, is to sheer out power you.  So here's what's going to happen.  I am going to simply out run you.  I won't stop.  Ever.  I'm going to run down this road, as fast as I can...because it's my belief, that though you may be in better're still mostly eye candy, and I'm hardened for survival.

Her smile faded.  Ahh I played the sexist card on her again, one of her few hot button issues.

Rika>>>  Eye candy? You little bitch, the only stamina you've got is the ability to run your mouth and pump up your own ego.

Rika>>>  But you know what? Go ahead and run...And I'll show you what a real woman can do.

Me>>>  Well, let's give it a shot at least.

I took off like a rocket.   Months of athletics and pain have indeed honed my body.  My baggy clothes helped conceal my weight loss, helped hide my speed.

It was no surprise that she followed,  even at a light pace, she was able to stay within shouting distance, taunting me.

I ran, I ran as long as I could, as hard as I could, looking back to her occasionally.  Just seeing her slip and trot, flashing a wicked grin on her face.

And my trick wasn't working at all.  It was at that moment I realized that she was going to let me tire myself out, and then...well that'd be the end this time.  She'd be able to lazily slit my throat and go on her merry way.

So I darted into the treeline.  It was a newer forest, filled with saplings and bushes, but I needed deeper, into the forest's shadows.

She gained on me as I shrugged aside branches.  I could hear her giggling.  This is what she loved, the panic, the chase...

Rika>>> Better run faster, Shug!

The forest enveloped us.  I was merely ten seconds ahead of her, as I felt my legs cry out, sweat trickled out from under my mask, as my knees begged for mercy.

Shadows appeared around us, as we raced deeper, down a root filled slope, into a basin.

I whispered to myself, that for once, it'd better show.

Beneath my feet, rocks and mud turned to roots suddenly.  It was here, it followed me.


I heard the low hum from my real nemesis as the shadows started to lift.

I looked away, shutting my eyes tightly.

She followed.  I could hear her right behind me.  I heard her gasp as she saw it.

The Bleeding Tree

It is at this moment, I need to make a confession to my loyal readers.  I've been keeping something a secret from you all, for this very moment.

My hand went to my blade again, as I started to draw it.

You see, my right arm was quite weakened over my last few encounters, it was practically numbed through pain.  I wasn't confident that I could survive a no holds barred fight with a proxy with a sledge hammer.

As I turned around to face her, I saw her mesmerized by the tree.

You remember how I said I couldn't make an aggressive move against Rika?

Rika>>>  It's so beauti....

I lied.

My blade tore out her throat.

Yes, its true.  I lied on my blog, because I knew she read it.  If I could convince her to drop her guard for me long enough to make a surprise move, I knew I had a chance before she decided I needed to die finally.

Between that and me finding out her weakness was my 'sexist' attitude, well, I knew I had a good chance.

I only thought it was proper for her end to be next to the 'make believe' monster that I'd been fighting for so long.

I drug her body out of the Tree's circle, and harvested what I needed from her, then left her for the Tree to collect.

Evil to Evil, and all that.

So that's the end of her, and her story.  My own personal menace, defeated.  Let us hope no others take that accursed name.

Which leaves me with a question.

Why do I feel so bad about killing an agent of evil?

my sugar has run out


  1. Well. That's a shame. I wonder when I will die.

  2. Oh, poor Rika. Too caught up in the fun of it all to think clearly. Too ignorant of the Truth to understand.

    Do you know why you feel so bad, Zero? You already answered your own question: purpose. A defeat against Rika was a purpose you had found. Not your main purpose, obviously, but a little diversion. With her gone, you are suddenly without purpose.

    I was once like that. Without purpose. But I found it. Can you guess how?


  3. And that ship just sunk.

    You're still a sexist, despite your claims otherwise, but I'd rather not elaborate and start a long discussion on feminism.

    Congratulations on killing a proxy for once.

  4. Mission fucking accomplished, Zero.

    That tree was damn convenient, though. Still not looking forward to seeing it as anything more than a dream.

  5. ...God, have mercy for her soul..

    Wayward brother, I shouldnt say it, but you are starting to act.. like a proxy..

    I'm going to ask you a favor, and I hope you actually accept it this time. Each time you kill someone, as act of penitence, go and help someone.

    It dosnt matter who or in what, just dont go after another target until then. Maybe it will somehow make you remember the differences within the good and evil. I dont want your soul lost in the dark, brother, I beg you.

  6. So you used your own worst - enemy? The Tree. Against her. Smart. You're a horrible person but that was smart.

  7. To answer your question: empathy?

    But in all seriousness good work.

  8. There had to be another way.

    Don't kill anyone I like while you're in Pennsylvania.

  9. @Seven - Not so convenient really

    @Keiken - You know man, you're starting to get on my nerves. This entire deal is for the innocent ones, it's ALL ABOUT helping others.

    Heh you're the one that wanted to show me how to use my sword, aren't you? And you go call me a proxy...

    better do some penance for that

  10. Wait a minute... You make foe yay jokes... and THEN you tell us you killed her.

    That's kind of creepy.

  11. if it makes you feel any better, she died first in reality, then I attempted a feeble joke

  12. Zero... it's so strange watching your sanity levels go up and down as the weeks go by. But... most of all, I'm a little annoyed. Why in the world would you write about having feelings for a dead woman - a woman who spent her free time fucking with your head and trying to kill you - where anyone could see them? It was a clever lie, I grant you, but now there's no one to lie to. There was no reason to do that.

  13. Basically my thoughts, but better spoken.
    Indeed, I'm curious as well.

  14. Well, there goes that theory. Unless that was symbolic.


  15. Want to hear a little secret?

    My sword dosn't have edge.

    I didnt took it with me to wield it against humans, or at least not to slash them. Is more like a defensive tool now.

    I wanted to give you an introduction to fencing because I thougth it would somehow give you a new dicipline from which to see the world in a different angle. And also take the opportnity to try to convince you to stop killing runners or proxies by the same.

    Besides, I already do too much penitance for others already.

    I dont really want to 'get you on your nerves', is just that I'm worried.

  16. @Ryuu - It confuses me too, obviously. How could I like someone so blatantly evil, and out to kill me?

  17. I'm not talking about the fact that you like her, Zero. Obviously you have a thing for murderous women, though I'll have you know it's lust and nothing more. I'm talking about the fact that you wrote about it, publically. There was no reason for that at all; she's dead.

    1) You do not like her, you liked her. Past tense.
    2) Advertising nearly every relationship you consider as shallow and pointless is nobody's business but your own and those involved. Keep it that way.
    3) SHE. IS. DEAD. And immediately afterward you make a foe yay joke. God, for the first time, I am genuinely disgusted at you, no buts about it. I don't approve of killing no matter what, but this... this was like watching you rape her memory or something. I didn't need to see that, and neither did anyone else.

  18. i think you're reading too much into this Ryuu

    I'm not some sick necrophiliac, sheesh.

    I think the problem here is that everyone just expects me to be all totally corrupt and such, that I'll do anything from kicking a dog, to stringing up entrails all over the place. Oh because that's what I do, in your minds.

    Truth be told I talked about her in the present tense for two reasons. One: Sort of hard to let go of her, you know? She's sort of been a companion, though sick and vile.

    Two? Well, I do enjoy telling stories properly, and I'd hate to ruin it by saying that I killed her right off the bat.

    Sheesh, and you people think I am the demented one. Talking about rape and such...

  19. Nonetheless, it's still pretty damn creepy. Kind of like finding a tooth in your hamburger.

    I think it's about time we met.

  20. i won't deny I've said some off-color things lately when I talk about her, but damn, give me a little credit.

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  22. I've been following your "misadventures/repeated horrible traumatic experiences" for about a week, maybe slightly longer. As I read I feel a strange kinship with you. This is mainly because you and I use the same online alias of Zero, although for slightly different reasons. I truly wish I had discovered your plight much much sooner. If the two of us had met earlier things... Well it's useless to wonder now isn't it. However I wish to. I don't know if "help you" is the right phrase, I don't think I could help you on your mission physically. I nearly wish to be a companion if need be. Those who take refuge behind the same number should stick together. Even if it is such a tenuous contact. I don't know if I can help you. But I want to try. And worry about yourself in this juncture, you are what I'm concerned for here. I haven't experienced the same trials as you, and I don't think my trials should be compared to yours. But. You're another Zero, here you're THE Zero/zerosage. You are the one who stands on the edge. I'm just another number.

    Please stay safe. I know this is hard, but your conviction to do what you think is right is truly remarkable. I'm not going to reiterate your situation, you know it better than I after all. I honestly dont think you've fallen yet. You aren't out of reach just yet.

  23. The Mad Ventriloquist thinks that Zero is too worried about having feelings for Rika. People make connections in weird ways for weird reasons. The Mad Ventriloquist was best friends with a sociopath once. He threw really good parties.

    Rika was a connection. Losing any connection is difficult. And it does have to be said that many people consider Zero vile. Perhaps Rika really was evil. But how much did Zero truly know about her? Rika's life is like a tootsie roll pop now. How long does it take to get to the center?

    The world may never know.

  24. Mister Ventriloquist, did you just suggest that zero give Rika's corpse three licks?


  25. The Mad Ventriloquist has realized that his analogy has odd implications. He did not mean to suggest that.

    The Mad Ventriloquist does not encourage licking corpses. He'd like to make that clear.

  26. I saw a cop who licked a corpse one time to find the killer.