Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Two moments

How can I lose so much time, when I'm constantly moving?    I've had all this time to simply perform one grisly task at hand, and yet it feels so complicated.  I've seen people I know are guilty, yet they end up walking free.  I've seen people whom I've felt are good, and yet they must suffer.  Then there are those who I can't even see, and those who can I feel a mile away.

I feel like things are falling apart, my rotten, festering shamble of a life is withering away, while you readers tell me I'm doing wrong, and I see tortured visions of a slight woman crying out towards me.

I've got to move.

I can't.

Just just days ago

I took someone

fuck

I don't know if he was bad

but I had to ward it off

shadow was too close

when I kill it, it'll all work, hope he was bad

yes

yes he was bad

I can see it

thank the gods,  i know he was bad,  he was bad

bad



Can't break free.  It's

Focus, focus...have to breathe, have to survive a little longer.  Almost done, almost done.

nowhere near done.

Okay, I'll talk, I'll talk to you about what just happened.  I ended up in Boston, I think.

Some college at night.  I can't remember it and

fukkkhrtsss frrezzzeengggg  f

god

its going to kill me   my shadow  it's too close

can't move, can't leave

concneentrate

college
yess a college at night

boston somewhere

Amherst?

Someone surrendered to me there

at night.  Yes, I remember.

There was a hill, a monument.  Flowers, metal, and stone, a stone pillar

and near the night lights was a man

a broken man.

Actually  two broken men.

Feeling better, yes, this is good.

The other one sat in the shadow of the monument's lights, his head forward.  I could feel his weariness,  his arms wrapped about a leg, as if to gently console himself.

But that wasn't why he was here.

I watched him for a while.  I waited for her.  For Rika.  She had been following me on and off for some time.

So when I got a message that someone wanted me to take their life, as a mercy, as a chance for hope, I was suspicious.

He didn't cry, he didn't do more than sullenly rue his fate for the time I watched.  I felt confident enough to risk closure, even as I fingered my taser, just in case.

He wore a set of sunglasses, that reminded me of Dave's brother in Homestuck...heh.  I loved that comic.  They were all angular, triangles really.  I got no clue how he could wear em. and he wore a tattered cloak.

He was not subtle about his appearance, as he exuded a pathetic nature.

I walked up to him, guardedly, my hands in my hoodie pouch.

Me>>> ....

He didn't hear me approach, I would've expected at least for him to raise his head.

Me>>>  ....  Slice?

He nodded softly, his chin up against his knee.

And then he looked up at me.

In the faint reflection of the light off his features, I saw his look of uncertainty, but then soon after he almost seemed to bask in my presence.

My presence.

The serial killer's presence.

Slice looked up at me, as if I were Jesus holding a giant novelty check, just for him.  His hands went to his mouth, in some sort of hushed awe.

Then he whispered.

Slice>>>  zero...you came.

I looked him over, trying to understand this fascination he displayed.  I saw a man who had lost everything, and then seeing the answer to all his issues appear before him.

And as always, I have no answers.  I had none for Amelia, I had none for Nessa, none for Kelly, none for Dean...

No answers except to soldier on, and do what I do.

I sighed softly as I leaned up against one of the benches.

Me>>>  Figured it had to be you.

I glanced over his costume.

Me>>>  What is it, about Runners and our want to wear costumes?  Our goal is anonymity, isn't it? 

I continued before he could explain.

Me>>>  I already know why, but...it's amusing to ponder, isn't it?

Identity, it's always Identity.

Cling to it,  write it on your arm if you must.

Do not forget.

He nodded ruefully, as he gestured to himself, and his cape.

Slice>>>  This...is the only thing really keeping me together right now, I think.

He half stepped towards me, I could tell he meant no harm.

Slice>>>  You were...are my hero, you know.  I believe in you.

Then he looked aside, as if measuring his own shadow, his own issues.

Slice>>>  It's silly now, I guess.  I'm glad it's going to be you, zero.  I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

Two men, resigned to their fates.

Two men, in fucking costumes, both with the shit kicked out of them, running from terror.

We were children afraid of the dark.

We all are.

And I laughed.

Me>>>  Heh...'Hero'.  I wanted that once.  Actually, I felt like I was a 'Warrior' once.  That's what my high school team was...the 'Warriors'.

I couldn't help wonder, as I saw his halfhearted smile, what led him here.

Me>>>  Why do you want this?  I mean, I can see you're corrupted, that you're in pain, but what made you decide to just offer up?

He shook his head, running a hand through his hair.

Slice>>>  Everyone I love is dead.

His voice gave out, feeble even at the start.

Slice>>>  My brother.   Everyone's dead because of me.  I just can't keep this up.

I watched him shiver softly as the night air caught up with us.  I'm sure the cold wasn't what made him tremble, his battered form only partially visible in the shadows.

And then I saw resolve.

Resolve.

Slice>>>  I believe in you.  If you need our bones for something, well...death at your hands.  At the hands of my hero...

He spoke now with grim conviction.

Slice>>>  Being useful.  That's better than running alone, or ending up with him.

This poor soul was at the end of his rope.

We both were.  I couldn't help but see ourselves in reversed roles.  Wouldn't I want death at the hands of someone who pr

godfukddamaaammfmf

nogodn

no  stay stay way

ive got to get

out

Slice kept seeing me as a hero

and i'm so fucked up

Me>>>  Slice...I'm probably just as messed up as you, really.  That doesn't make me a hero.  Half the time I can't even remember where I'm going.

I remember scratching at the new scars upon my head.  Thanks, again Arkady.

Me>>>  Sometimes I forget my name.

Really, thanks Arkady.

Me>>>  and I'm constantly being chased by some unknown FUCK...that's just as bad as the other one.

The least I could do is shoot straight with him, he seemed to deserve it.

Me>>>  But you man...You know what you can do to help.  To save us.  You're a good man, Slice.

He nodded gravely, tears behind his shades, as he started to smile.

Me>>>  You chose to put the world before your own needs.  You have my thanks,  I'll make you proud.

I stuck out my gloved hand for him, and he eagerly took my hand, wincing from some burn on his arm.

Slice>>>  I believe in you, zero. I

Another one fell to the taser.

By the way, my fears of tasing myself, unfounded.  Most of em have a rubber grip now, helps impede that.  I wear the gloves anyway.  Just in case.

Me>>>  Goodbye Slice.  It's as painless as I can make it.

After I was done with my chore, I threw up in the flowers.

Then I crossed his arms, as best I could, and let him lay properly, with his tattered cloak covering him.

So I'm closer now.

so much closer

two bones

but I can't go any further today.













Because Rika handcuffed me to a boiler yesterday



and my shadow is going to kill me now.

24 comments:

  1. Even your shadow's realized what a menace you are? Must be harsh, man.

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  2. Poor little fallen sage, they are coming to take you away.

    The Master, the Tree, the Darkness, the Light

    Oh my, so sorry

    ~Regards

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  3. You...you...I...I can't...

    Oh Slice...no...

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  4. Handcuffed you to a...

    Rika, have you been watching Saw recently?

    Oh, and it's a shame about your shadow. Really. It's funny how, compared to a lot of things out there, Master is actually quite pleasant to humans.

    -STEWARD

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  5. You killed him.

    You KILLED Slice.

    Zero, what the hell is happening to you?

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  6. he was as good as dead. Would you rather the monster took him?

    Mercy, Jean. It's in the name of mercy.

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  7. I...

    I don't even know what to think.

    Not now.

    I don't want to give up but...

    I can't believe this.

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  8. He ofFered himsElf uptoyou...

    That is fuCKing tERrifying bEyond beLieF.

    I

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  9. Shadows, man. Fuck shadows. I mean, not literally, because that would be weird, but, you know, in a metaphorical sense...you know, I'm going to stop now.

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  10. To be honest, I'm not all that surprised about Slice...

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  11. The more you descend into your task, the less I believe that you're not delusional, Zerosage.

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  12. You simply can't keep doing this. You're - you're not a dangerous man, you're a - a failed man! A failed man, that's what you are!

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  13. Mercy? Mercy? Damnit, Zero, there is no mercy, and you should know that at least. People are dying already, this is practically helping him. You know how to destroy him? Bloody let people live. What's happening to you, Zero? How can you think that this is a good thing?

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  14. If the shadow doesn't kill you, I will.

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  15. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  16. Zero. A thought.

    As I understand it, this whole mission of yours is designed to kill the bleeding tree in an attempt to get the shadow off your back, yes?

    I don't suppose it's possible to get rid of it some other way. Because I'm just so fucking certain you would have exhausted every other means of saving yourself before resorting to serial murder.

    Well, either way, you'd better think of an alternate way to cut the shadow loose if you want to live.

    And then afterwards, maybe you can return to the realm of sanity.

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  17. If you truly want to help Zero, you must capture and detain him, people.

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  18. @Jean - It's NOT a good thing, Jean! It's a foul, horrible thing. But if this is going to kill the Bleeding Tree, and by extension weaken/kill the monster, then it needs to happen. No other way has worked, Jean.

    A horrible sacrifice now, to save the rest.

    @Amalgamation - Aren't you off playing X-Files in New Mexico? I have something for you, by the way.

    @Ryuu - Well I am up for options on how to cut the damn thing loose.

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  19. "I had the sudden, instinctive impression that I was watching an enormous tree begin to fall. Slowly at first, made to seem so by its sheer size - but falling nonetheless, to the ruin of anything sheltered beneath its boughs."

    Quote from one of my favorite books there. Who's to say when you cut the damn thing loose, it won't just kill you? Considering the exciting life you've led, I wouldn't be surprised if the Tree was the only thing keeping you alive.

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  20. @Killjay
    I dont exactly agree with Wayward brother in this solution, but I must say that corpses and bones are worthless, the souls of the ones being chased are what is important..

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  21. Well, what else have you tried? You were hanging around as Remnant for a long time after the Solstice. Did you have to move around so much then?

    Hmm... Does the shadow want to hurt Remnant, zero? Or just you?

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  22. Holy shit.

    Slice absolutely worshiped you, and you killed him. You took advantage of the fact that he idolized you.

    This, kids, is why hero-worship is not a good thing.

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  23. Slice wanted it, apparently. Don't act like Zerosage tricked him. I may not agree with what Zerosage did, but let's not misconstrue the facts.

    Slice wanted Zerosage to kill him. Simple as that.

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