Been trying to take it easy the last few days, in terms of strain. Trying to get used to a life that doesn't exist anymore. A life before...well, you know the story by now.
I feel better and worse at the same time now. I mean I no longer have to dread what I've been...well, shit...compulsed to do, and yet now there's no sort of buffer between me and what's steadfast behind me. The deaths...fuck, let's call it what they were. The murders buy ....bought me time. So now I'm trying to outrun something that always knows where I am, and in true horror film fashion, can barely be outrun despite how slow it moves.
I don't even see anything for god’s sake. Just a sense of darkness before my world goes black.
Hakurei, you said once this could've been psychological. Well fuck me if it is, because it's still here, and it’s still pissed.
So despite my mind being pieced back together, and despite my tossing aside my sword, I had a bit of a run in some of you may've read by now. So I got the shit kicked out of me again, and had a half-crazed man wave a gun in my face. I was a bit surprised that I was scared at all. Figured it was going to simply be one of those, "Go ahead and kill me, I don't fear death." type deals.
Not so much. I may not've been ballsy, and spit in his face, but I put up a good front. Truth be told, I realized that this isn't how I wanted to die.
Got too much shit to do, to die. Gotta figure out who I need to be now, what I have to do to make things a little better, if not right.
Which brings me to something I found on my phone from a few weeks ago. I think you all might have an interest in it. Now I know that the way I transcript stuff sort of sucks, but hell, I don't know a better way of doing it.
Guess it looks stupid, now that I look back. Oh well.
Reach>>> Um, yes, this is he.
Reach>>> That's my name, don't wear it out. Who the hell is this?
Me>>> Is it true...Is it true, Reach...that you're not, not his?
Reach>>> Yes, I broke free from him. The wound by which he hooked me was healed. Who is this?
Me>>> Don’t lie to me Reach....how...how could you escape him, I (noise) I can't see anyone free from him
Reach>>> I'm not lying. He needs an anchor. There's something he needs to manipulate to keep his hold on you. Mine was guilt but I got over that guilt. He couldn't control me after that.
Me>>> You mean...Amelia?
Reach>>> Wait. Zero?
Me>>> I...I don't like killing people reach, I'm scared and I can't stop...
Reach>>> Why can't you stop?
Me>>> I think, I think I'm being forced to.
Me>>> God help me Reach.
Reach>>> Zero...blood stains. Killing isn't going to help...whatever it is that's forcing you. It will only make things worse. Only water purifies. Or some shit, fuck, I only just woke up.
Me>>> I have to stop it reach, stop the tree, the Bleeding Tree, Reach. It's part of him
Me>>> I don’t know anymore.
Reach>>>Zero...are you sure it's real? He tricked you into killing Amelia. Maybe he's tricking you again, like he tricked me.
Me>>> No, I didn't....I didn't KILL HER, REACH!
Me>>> Reach, Do you believe in redemption?
Reach>>> Of course. Everyone can be redeemed. The first step is believing you need redemption. The second step is believing you deserve redemption. The third step is believing you can achieve redemption. And the fourth step...is achieving it. Somehow.
Me>>> what....no, oh fuck no.
Reach>>> Zero...what's wrong?
Me>>> It’s here already, too soon
Reach>>> Zero, talk to me, what's wrong?
So I guess there's something I've realized now.
I've been a chicken shit coward all this time.
I've felt that I could stop my own personal grim quest before, and I did nothing about it, because I was too damn scared.
Killed some innocent people, because I was afraid for my own safety. I knew, I fucking KNEW that I could at least TRY to stop it all.
So what's next for a miserable son of a bitch who has still failed at every damn thing in his fucking life?
Hell if I know.
Rest in Peace, Reach