Sunday, April 10, 2011

Do you remember?

Do any of you readers remember, back a year or so ago?  Before this shit all started.  Before we ran for our lives, or hid, or actively sought out danger.

I've been thinking today about how...stonecold weary I am of everything that's happened lately.  My hands nearly give out, thinking of the mental strain, the anguish I've had to endure.  I'm sure some of you have had it as bad...if not worse.

But I can't stop.  It is like a compulsion, one to move forward, and bear the weight that keeps piling atop me, from whatever it is that is right behind my back.  I just

I just can't tell. 

So I'm heading a bit southwest now, on foot when I need to, and other means if they present themselves.  Things just seem so strange, being in another part of the country.  I can't even  I can't see the sun, I think.  Is it this...aura, this thing that has latched onto me that keeps me from rejoicing with the coming of the dawn?

I'm just so tired, I would weep if I could, half the time I can barely even pick up my sword, not that I have had need to the last few days.  The last person I confronted, I wasn't sure who he was, he could've been mad, could've been evil, but I couldn't take that chance.  I didn't 'see' him, you know?  The bad ones, I can see them, even as the world turns to grey and ash around me anymore.

goddammit, I can't do this.  I can't live like this.  I can't tell if I'm good or evil half the...fuck...I just...fuck!

Things keep changing.  People that are seen as...well, as I guess the same way the sages were seen...the notable ones are so different.

Fucking Reach...claims to have been saved.  I

I suppose I believe him.  I remember him, when he was a punk, sniping at me in my blog.  I'm sure you guys don't know anything about that.  But does that mean there is salvation for everyone if this is true?  Even the ones that I've hurt?  Does that mean that even I am not too far gone?

Work of angels, a work of mercy, performed sullenly, and without bravado...

And then one of you started talking about the Astral Plane, and I remember all that I went through, feeling it was my duty to confront him there.  With no success.

Never any success on my part.

I..I couldn't even see him, even if he was there, I still can't, not since he took Amelia from me...from us.  I can only think that it was that..that thing Greenlight told me about, that I could transfer her pain unto me, and I did.  The sole thing I've done that might be considered 'supernatural', for all the good it did poor Melody.  What even was the point of my work, if I COULDNT SAVE ANYONE?

I keep thinking about that time, how I vomited, how I fell ill, how I nearly died, and how those government people kept questioning me.

So can I not see him again because that 'transfer' wore off?  Would I need to do it again?  Is it possible he was there, at that night, and I couldn't see him? 

Would I need more blood to fight my monster?  Is that why the tree bleeds?

The
The tree
the bleeding tree,  for two days now I've seen it naught.

This shit is just so surreal.  People talking about surfing other dimensions, and monsters.  Here i'm doing this horrible, morbid work to save people.  Others are getting progressively worse, as well.

Fuck, this has to end.  It
It has to end, godDAMMIT

I can't even tell why I am doing things, but I just have to believe that maybe if this gets done, either he'll die or I will.  Right now, I just don't care who.

just fucking kill me already, let me die.  I've done such rotten horrid things, let me die already, monster in the dark.  get this nightmare over with.

But I know, even if I do die, I'll suffer in torment.  He's eating our souls, and we will never be at peace.

43 comments:

  1. Yyou can still save yourself, sir./ i don't know how but I know you vcan> If we justt try we can be at peac. It doesnt have to end in death. We can all we can make it a..a hapy ending.

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  2. Of course you can be saved, Zero. Everyone can. Whoever told you otherwise - whatever it is that forces you to do this, that keeps you from rejoicing with the coming of the dawn - is not someone you should pay heed to.

    Dying is never the answer, but you know that already. It kind of logically follows that causing someone else to die is never the answer either. You can be saved, and so can they, if you try.

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  3. I would love to say I had the answers for you. I read through what you did and tried to do.

    I will tell you that the astral plane follows very strange rules. I could also tell you that I might just be crazy. And I could most certainly tell you that anything built with the bones of the Runners will be tainted by the actions you performed to get those bones. It won't work the way you want it to, and even if it could, the price is too high.

    It doesn't have to end like this.

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  4. Zero I've told you before and I will keep saying it. You don't have to do this. She wouldn't want you to do this.

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  5. Everyone deserves salvation. Even if what you do may come off as horrible, somehow I know, that you still are the same Zero that I read about in that old blog. You aren't a monster at all. You CAN be saved. You just need to believe you can be saved, and there are people who are willing to help you.

    Just, please don't throw your life away like this. Do you want whatever is tormenting you to win? Please zerosage, I'm begging you. It is my firm belief that anybody who is capable of being saved deserves that chance. And you will get that chance you just...you just need to keep holding on.

    Just for a little while.

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  6. Don't forget what I said in our phone call. Blood stains. Only water is pure.

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  7. Aww why so sad, sugar? Maybe you just need some company on your cute little quest? I might be tempted to come help you, unless you’d rather just run away again.

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  8. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  9. @glassman - hey fucknuggets, I dont do codes, and wont toleraholy fuck its rika...

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  10. @ze1rosAgge - fFaiir eNo6ugh

    ALsoO: hAh.,.

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  11. Oh GOD she really WAS Fakelight...

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  12. You are a very stream of thought writer aren't you, sugar? How sweet!

    Well no I'm not Fakelight, but what a brilliant idea it could have been! Although I won't deny the possibility that it could have been a Rika. After all I'm not the first. But its not me. I prefer a little less crudity and little more fun!

    These little runner types are so darling when they start working on their conspiracy theories, don't you think? Cute cute cute!

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  13. oh fuck me, why are you here? Last thing I want is some god damn nutcase spamming up my blog.

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  14. Interesting choice of words, especially after your reaction in the coffee shop. Did I actually embarrass you? That is just so adorable!

    But cuteness aside, what makes you think that it matters what you want? I'm here because I want to be here. And that's more then enough for me! After all I do tend to get what I want.

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  15. If 3-7-6-3
    And 2-6-5-2 equal be,
    Then answer this, my dear, young friends;
    How does a chord progression end
    On any scale, the best or worst,
    If the primary chord is played first?
    Once the answer is in your heart,
    To finish this round, go back to the start.

    - Nocturne

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  16. At the origin? Up an octave? Higher?

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  17. trying to think of how the sentence progresses.

    without the book of rain, the tall man will end the world... at the start? all over again? it's something to do with a loop, i think...

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  18. Where it began?

    I'm just repeating myself, aren't I?

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  19. that's actually a really good one. ^_^

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  20. Thanks...I'm trying to think it terms of music. A chord progression is just a series of chords that starts and ends at the same chord. So it'd have to be at its beginning...genesis...f*ck, what are words for start?

    Or are we looking at this the wrong way?

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  22. this may or may not be the last riddle, so... hmm, i don't think it's the end of the sentence quite yet, unless the sentence itself is just something really cryptic.

    MAYBE we're looking at it the wrong way, but like you said, a chord begins and ends on the same note.

    maybe we figure out what the "primary chord" is?

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  24. On the forth?

    Oh, f*ck me, that sounds so retarded...

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  25. not so retarded, it could be a date.

    on the first?

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  26. It's just...all the chord progressions have one thing in common. The number pattern is plus 4, minus 1, minus 3. That *might* be relevant, I don't know...

    Are we thinking about this too hard, again?

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  27. I'm feeling generous today,
    So I'll give this round to Jean.
    In a plagal cadence
    Is the answer that she gleaned (sort of),
    Return to Reach's blog, my friends,
    To end the game's first part.
    Present to me your findings,
    As we return to the start.

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  28. He is not Reach for the moment.

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  29. Which mythological figure, of supposed divine lineage, killed his brother over a hill?

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  30. No, it's gotta be him. Because he was the guy who founded Rome 'cause it was built on a hill. He killed his brother Remus. And their dad was supposed to be Mars or something...

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  31. Kudos to you, Haku. Your chances are looking good.

    Si vis pacem, para bellum is up.

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  32. fucking hell,

    moreofth is shit,

    heads ringing like a bell and you fuckers are
    playing damn trivia games on my blog

    wait fuck i was in on this


    hell wth this i need some sleep

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