I don't understand it.
I found myself on the ground.
I don't know why.
But I need to clear my thoughts.
I need to write.
Here
Why I am I still here?
Why won't I just stay dead?
Monday, March 19, 2018
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Bygone
8-13-10 I've opened this blog just to lend a port in the storm to those who've had their...encounters with /construct/, in hopes that together, instead of going mad alone, we can suffer the storm, and come out strong...
8-13-10 All in all, I've realized lately that I haven't done a damn thing in my life. No spouse, no kids, no legacy. I've had no ambition, and have never known what I'm destined for. Maybe with this, I can at least have a shot of helping someone.
8-13-10 If we can harness the same potential that creates nightmares, perhaps we can eliminate them
8-20-10 I know I have an answer for someone somewhere, but when and to whom? Must I seek out other blogs as well to help spread the words, or am I just self indulgent, arrogant enough to believe that the human collective has strength beyond creatures, nightmares?
8-20-10 Zero, you have helped Melody and I very much so. You gave us ideas, and just knowing that someone cares is a great help. Thank you. - B
8-20-10 What B said. Knowing that there is someone out there willing to face their fears, risk being Followed, and help others out is amazing in itself. You are truly a blessing, and I wish you didn't have to endure the paranoia and pain that comes with being attached to all of this. I speak for all of us when I say thank you. - Shaun
8-21-10 We need to kill him, here on-line together. We all need to write a story, a paragraph at least, of how the ./construct/ dies, and leave us rid of them forever. We need to tap into that morass, and spread the word
11-4-10 You. 3/3 - Greenlight
11-4-10 oh...crap
11-7-10 look, I know I've said that I've always wanted a chance to be someone, to leave something behind...to be remembered, but if I read this right; that he's picking me as a rep of some sort. I dunno if I'm that sort of guy...
11-7-10 I'd say good luck, zero, but I don't think you'll need it. Robert (Sage/Guardian) knew exactly what he was doing when he picked out you and Maduin and Amelia. I'm sure you'll be able to figure everything out. - Jean
11-7-10 We trust you. Live up to your title, Zero(Sage)! - Nessa
11-7-10 Let's do our best, Zero(Sage) - Amelia Clark
11-12-10 This place is the Astral Plane......It makes sense though, ectoplasm needed to damage ectoplasm. all of his abilities are reflected in the abilities of malevolent ectoplasm. This is where, I believe, the boogeyman comes from.
11-14-10 Zero I need help. Melody's gotten worse. How can I stop it? Please
11-16-10 I promised him id do everything to safe his girl. greenlight gave us the way to do it. him or her, someone had to be marked, someone was damned.
11-16-10 WHAT THE FUCKING HELL!!! YOU DID'NT HAVE TO DO THIS! YOU TRICKED ME! YOU ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN US! GOD DAMMIT! - B
11-16-10 I should have known what GL meant by "become Carton". - B
11-16-10 ZERO! WHAT THE HELL! She's fine and getting better. Thank you. - B
11-18-10 I saw him.
11-18-10 Sages seem to be insanely good at injuring themselves - Jean
11-19-10 shit man....i just had my ass beat,...i'm in my damn boxers its 20 degrees out being put fuckin prostrate before a damn abomination.
11-19-10 Keep loose, Zero(Sage), we can't have you folding this late in the game. - Fizzbomb
11-20-10 if you ever need to talk, to let things out, you know I'm here. - Amelia Clark
11-21-10 but where will we go next who rises to be our knight don't you all see the hero is right before you it is you it's always been you every last one of you we are our own heroes, guys...
11-21-10 I'll stand and fight with you on the solstice. Let It come. Let all of Its Agents come. I may not be strong or fast or tough, but It can't crush my will. My hope sustains me. - Amelia Clark
11-21-10 They all look up to you. - Battery Resistance
11-21-10 If I am called out, I can't guarantee that I will be able to resist his will but I will try. Godspeed, Zero, godspeed. - Reach
11-21-10 I've struggled for so long not to lose my humanity and then I came up with a plan that would snuff out the light of my human self like two wet fingers extinguishing a candle... - Reach
11-21-10 Reach...I know I, for the most part can't stand your insufferable nature, and your affiliation. But damn man, I do have compassion for you. Try not to get in my way on the Solstice, okay? No need to cut down a man who misses his loved ones.
11-23-10 I was staring into the bathroom mirror, with a steak knife in my hand, and a cut on my wrist. - Zero
11-23-10 Ahem, Dat Ass - Zero
11-23-10 Shit, they're breaking down the door. Where are my fucking neighbors? At work. I'm just one person... one person cowering in a closet... Don't let them take me, I don't want to go - Nessa
11-23-10 I kept myself blank. I never posted my location. God, Zero. Please. I don't want to die. - Jeff
11-24-10 i'm all alone now they're...they're gone, aren't they?all of them amelia, so sorry, nessa, taken will, barely got to know you anyone? are you there always fucking alone always havebeen - Zero
11-24-10 Zero. Be strong. Don't make me slap you. YOU ARE A SAGE. Act like it. - Jeff
11-24-10 01100100 01101111 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110100 00100000 01100110 01101111 01101100 01101100 01101111 01110111 00100000 01101101 01100101 00001101 00001010 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01110111 01100001 01101001 01110100 01101001 01101110 01100111 00001101 00001010 01100001 00100000 01110100 01110010 01100001 01110000 - Nessa
11-24-10 every single binary message is a knife in my heart - Zero
11-24-10 of all the soul wrenching things. he baits me, he lets her live, and taunts me, he wants me to show up, so he can kill me...or maybe all of us. anyone, just to drive the point home - Zero
11-24-10 Don't you fucking dare give in! - Pete Biggs
11-24-10 I will admit, sometimes I love my work...today is one of those days. - Zero
11-24-10 its up to us to show the same steel Nessa has, don't give in, ever again
11-24-10 How can it be in three places at once?! - Will
11-24-10 Get tough will, or you're dead. plain and simple my friend - Zero
11-25-10 Just got off the train. NOLA, baby. Heading north next. Zero, wherever you are, I'll be riding the rails to you. Just hold tight. - Amelia Clark
11-25-10 zero, you've got hang in there, man. If one of the Sages loses his shit, I don't know what the rest of us can do. - Drew
11-25-10 Plans for the Solstice? Hell, I barely have plans for Christmas, why the hell would I plan around astronomy? - Zeke Strahm
11-25-10 holy fuck, Zeke, my hero! Okay, the Solstice. Longest Night of the Year, you know. The way things are looking, he'll be more dangerous then, but ALSO more vulnerable than before as well. It's my chance to do some damage to him - Zero
11-25-10 it's always been my duty to explore what shouldn't be seen. rest of you, get some sleep - Zero
11-26-10 Greenlight. Don't care if he's mad or not,The lesson here, is to judge for yourself what is real and what is not. - Zero
11-26-10 I think I can find my way now. I'm actually smiling. I'll beat my demons, maybe a monster now, that I'm getting stronger finally. - Zero
11-30-10 Nessa's gone, we accept that, and move on. Whomever she says she is, it's a lie. - Zero
11-30-10 this person's already admitted it's not her, Jeff. Come on man, we all miss her, but we can't fall into delusion over it.
11-30-10 Come with us, fallen Keeper. We'll take you to Her. - Nessa
11-30-10 Zero the Sage. Zero the Sage. Couldn't keep the Keeper... He's ours now Zero. - LOST
12-02-10 Zero, you have to kill me. - Nessa
12-02-10 Please just kill me. I don't care what you do, just make sure I'm dead. And don't let them get me. - Nessa
12-02-10 alright I think I know what to do. - Zero
12-02-10 Rest, Nessa. We'll miss you. - Vieve
12-02-10 @Kiki - you've got easier ways to commit suicide than by him. - Zero
12-02-10 Zero, I'm about to face fate. Don't worry about me. Slender Bitch has got nothing on me.- Jeff
12-04-10 A cancer in the afterlife. Can no place in life or death be safe from him, if this is true? - Zero
12-06-10 Coming up next with "Fun time with Slendy" *A man beats his head against a wall covered in symbols, until a sickening crack occurs, he falls to the ground lifeless* *Peppy upbeat segway*
12-06-10 two weeks till the solstice... two weeks
12-06-10 The stone peeled back as if paper, ripped by clawed hands, deluging the room with foul water, with putrid vegetation in it.
12-06-10 Two more weeks until the Solstice. We can make it through this. You just need to try and stay as sane as you can until then.- Vieve
12-13-10 @Will - No....no word from Amelia. She was supposed to call/email me when she got close, then I'd go meet her. - Zero
12-13-10 Fat guy over here's taking way too much interest in my typing. Better not have to taze fatty to keep him off me. that's right fat boy, i'm talking to you. - Zero
12-13-10 Bullshit, Jeff. You got Hallowed because of your own selfishness. You wanted to see Nessa again. You figured out how you could help later. - N
12-13-10 He is losing himself, Zero. And it is your fault. - Fallen
12-13-10 You can't trust him or Reach, even if it's nice to pretend that they've got some of their original personalities. We can't trust anything that comes from their mouths. Did Nessa teach you all nothing? - Zero
12-13-10 I look for the adversary, and do not see him. I do not see his work. I only see the unfortunates. I should not let bad things happen to them. I do not know if I can. - Zero
12-13-10 All we can really hope is that he can make it to the solstice. There we will battle him, in either lose or victory, this will end. -Joker
12-14-10 I gave Nessa to Redlight. and I had no choice. - Zero
12-21-10 I am putting my life on the line, that you readers and bloggers can come together to give a cohesive answer as to the happenings today. - Zero
12-21-10 Originally I felt that I was destined for the role of the Warrior, back when I believed that our Titles were a grander thing than mere words - Zero
12-21-10 And so I leave you today. A man in search of answers he cannot find,
with the hope that one of you will find it for him.
I accept my role as a mere pawn, moving down
the chess board. A sacrifice against the Black King.
One needed however for victory. You'll win this fight, I know it.
- Zero
12-21-10 Bang.
8-13-10 All in all, I've realized lately that I haven't done a damn thing in my life. No spouse, no kids, no legacy. I've had no ambition, and have never known what I'm destined for. Maybe with this, I can at least have a shot of helping someone.
8-13-10 If we can harness the same potential that creates nightmares, perhaps we can eliminate them
8-20-10 I know I have an answer for someone somewhere, but when and to whom? Must I seek out other blogs as well to help spread the words, or am I just self indulgent, arrogant enough to believe that the human collective has strength beyond creatures, nightmares?
8-20-10 Zero, you have helped Melody and I very much so. You gave us ideas, and just knowing that someone cares is a great help. Thank you. - B
8-20-10 What B said. Knowing that there is someone out there willing to face their fears, risk being Followed, and help others out is amazing in itself. You are truly a blessing, and I wish you didn't have to endure the paranoia and pain that comes with being attached to all of this. I speak for all of us when I say thank you. - Shaun
8-21-10 We need to kill him, here on-line together. We all need to write a story, a paragraph at least, of how the ./construct/ dies, and leave us rid of them forever. We need to tap into that morass, and spread the word
11-4-10 You. 3/3 - Greenlight
11-4-10 oh...crap
11-7-10 look, I know I've said that I've always wanted a chance to be someone, to leave something behind...to be remembered, but if I read this right; that he's picking me as a rep of some sort. I dunno if I'm that sort of guy...
11-7-10 I'd say good luck, zero, but I don't think you'll need it. Robert (Sage/Guardian) knew exactly what he was doing when he picked out you and Maduin and Amelia. I'm sure you'll be able to figure everything out. - Jean
11-7-10 We trust you. Live up to your title, Zero(Sage)! - Nessa
11-7-10 Let's do our best, Zero(Sage) - Amelia Clark
11-12-10 This place is the Astral Plane......It makes sense though, ectoplasm needed to damage ectoplasm. all of his abilities are reflected in the abilities of malevolent ectoplasm. This is where, I believe, the boogeyman comes from.
11-14-10 Zero I need help. Melody's gotten worse. How can I stop it? Please
11-16-10 I promised him id do everything to safe his girl. greenlight gave us the way to do it. him or her, someone had to be marked, someone was damned.
11-16-10 WHAT THE FUCKING HELL!!! YOU DID'NT HAVE TO DO THIS! YOU TRICKED ME! YOU ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN US! GOD DAMMIT! - B
11-16-10 I should have known what GL meant by "become Carton". - B
11-16-10 ZERO! WHAT THE HELL! She's fine and getting better. Thank you. - B
11-18-10 I saw him.
11-18-10 Sages seem to be insanely good at injuring themselves - Jean
11-19-10 shit man....i just had my ass beat,...i'm in my damn boxers its 20 degrees out being put fuckin prostrate before a damn abomination.
11-19-10 Keep loose, Zero(Sage), we can't have you folding this late in the game. - Fizzbomb
11-20-10 if you ever need to talk, to let things out, you know I'm here. - Amelia Clark
11-21-10 but where will we go next who rises to be our knight don't you all see the hero is right before you it is you it's always been you every last one of you we are our own heroes, guys...
11-21-10 I'll stand and fight with you on the solstice. Let It come. Let all of Its Agents come. I may not be strong or fast or tough, but It can't crush my will. My hope sustains me. - Amelia Clark
11-21-10 They all look up to you. - Battery Resistance
11-21-10 If I am called out, I can't guarantee that I will be able to resist his will but I will try. Godspeed, Zero, godspeed. - Reach
11-21-10 I've struggled for so long not to lose my humanity and then I came up with a plan that would snuff out the light of my human self like two wet fingers extinguishing a candle... - Reach
11-21-10 Reach...I know I, for the most part can't stand your insufferable nature, and your affiliation. But damn man, I do have compassion for you. Try not to get in my way on the Solstice, okay? No need to cut down a man who misses his loved ones.
11-23-10 I was staring into the bathroom mirror, with a steak knife in my hand, and a cut on my wrist. - Zero
11-23-10 Ahem, Dat Ass - Zero
11-23-10 Shit, they're breaking down the door. Where are my fucking neighbors? At work. I'm just one person... one person cowering in a closet... Don't let them take me, I don't want to go - Nessa
11-23-10 I kept myself blank. I never posted my location. God, Zero. Please. I don't want to die. - Jeff
11-24-10 i'm all alone now they're...they're gone, aren't they?all of them amelia, so sorry, nessa, taken will, barely got to know you anyone? are you there always fucking alone always havebeen - Zero
11-24-10 Zero. Be strong. Don't make me slap you. YOU ARE A SAGE. Act like it. - Jeff
11-24-10 01100100 01101111 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110100 00100000 01100110 01101111 01101100 01101100 01101111 01110111 00100000 01101101 01100101 00001101 00001010 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01110111 01100001 01101001 01110100 01101001 01101110 01100111 00001101 00001010 01100001 00100000 01110100 01110010 01100001 01110000 - Nessa
11-24-10 every single binary message is a knife in my heart - Zero
11-24-10 of all the soul wrenching things. he baits me, he lets her live, and taunts me, he wants me to show up, so he can kill me...or maybe all of us. anyone, just to drive the point home - Zero
11-24-10 Don't you fucking dare give in! - Pete Biggs
11-24-10 I will admit, sometimes I love my work...today is one of those days. - Zero
11-24-10 its up to us to show the same steel Nessa has, don't give in, ever again
11-24-10 How can it be in three places at once?! - Will
11-24-10 Get tough will, or you're dead. plain and simple my friend - Zero
11-25-10 Just got off the train. NOLA, baby. Heading north next. Zero, wherever you are, I'll be riding the rails to you. Just hold tight. - Amelia Clark
11-25-10 zero, you've got hang in there, man. If one of the Sages loses his shit, I don't know what the rest of us can do. - Drew
11-25-10 Plans for the Solstice? Hell, I barely have plans for Christmas, why the hell would I plan around astronomy? - Zeke Strahm
11-25-10 holy fuck, Zeke, my hero! Okay, the Solstice. Longest Night of the Year, you know. The way things are looking, he'll be more dangerous then, but ALSO more vulnerable than before as well. It's my chance to do some damage to him - Zero
11-25-10 it's always been my duty to explore what shouldn't be seen. rest of you, get some sleep - Zero
11-26-10 Greenlight. Don't care if he's mad or not,The lesson here, is to judge for yourself what is real and what is not. - Zero
11-26-10 I think I can find my way now. I'm actually smiling. I'll beat my demons, maybe a monster now, that I'm getting stronger finally. - Zero
11-30-10 Nessa's gone, we accept that, and move on. Whomever she says she is, it's a lie. - Zero
11-30-10 this person's already admitted it's not her, Jeff. Come on man, we all miss her, but we can't fall into delusion over it.
11-30-10 Come with us, fallen Keeper. We'll take you to Her. - Nessa
11-30-10 Zero the Sage. Zero the Sage. Couldn't keep the Keeper... He's ours now Zero. - LOST
12-02-10 Zero, you have to kill me. - Nessa
12-02-10 Please just kill me. I don't care what you do, just make sure I'm dead. And don't let them get me. - Nessa
12-02-10 alright I think I know what to do. - Zero
12-02-10 Rest, Nessa. We'll miss you. - Vieve
12-02-10 @Kiki - you've got easier ways to commit suicide than by him. - Zero
12-02-10 Zero, I'm about to face fate. Don't worry about me. Slender Bitch has got nothing on me.- Jeff
12-04-10 A cancer in the afterlife. Can no place in life or death be safe from him, if this is true? - Zero
12-06-10 Coming up next with "Fun time with Slendy" *A man beats his head against a wall covered in symbols, until a sickening crack occurs, he falls to the ground lifeless* *Peppy upbeat segway*
12-06-10 two weeks till the solstice... two weeks
12-06-10 The stone peeled back as if paper, ripped by clawed hands, deluging the room with foul water, with putrid vegetation in it.
12-06-10 Two more weeks until the Solstice. We can make it through this. You just need to try and stay as sane as you can until then.- Vieve
12-13-10 @Will - No....no word from Amelia. She was supposed to call/email me when she got close, then I'd go meet her. - Zero
12-13-10 Fat guy over here's taking way too much interest in my typing. Better not have to taze fatty to keep him off me. that's right fat boy, i'm talking to you. - Zero
12-13-10 Bullshit, Jeff. You got Hallowed because of your own selfishness. You wanted to see Nessa again. You figured out how you could help later. - N
12-13-10 He is losing himself, Zero. And it is your fault. - Fallen
12-13-10 You can't trust him or Reach, even if it's nice to pretend that they've got some of their original personalities. We can't trust anything that comes from their mouths. Did Nessa teach you all nothing? - Zero
12-13-10 I look for the adversary, and do not see him. I do not see his work. I only see the unfortunates. I should not let bad things happen to them. I do not know if I can. - Zero
12-13-10 All we can really hope is that he can make it to the solstice. There we will battle him, in either lose or victory, this will end. -Joker
12-14-10 I gave Nessa to Redlight. and I had no choice. - Zero
12-21-10 I am putting my life on the line, that you readers and bloggers can come together to give a cohesive answer as to the happenings today. - Zero
12-21-10 Originally I felt that I was destined for the role of the Warrior, back when I believed that our Titles were a grander thing than mere words - Zero
12-21-10 And so I leave you today. A man in search of answers he cannot find,
with the hope that one of you will find it for him.
I accept my role as a mere pawn, moving down
the chess board. A sacrifice against the Black King.
One needed however for victory. You'll win this fight, I know it.
- Zero
12-21-10 Bang.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Messenger's Report
I’m here to announce the death of Timothy “Zero” Holiday. Time of death: June 21, 2010, aprox. 3:30 pm. Location: approximately 15 miles west of Indianapolis. Cause of death: unknown, but believed to be evisceration.
There were a couple Agents in the area tracking him when he went into a forest. They went in after him when he didn’t come out. They found a huge, dead tree (the surviving Agent says that they should have noticed a tree like that towering over the rest of the forest). Zero was hanging on one of the branches. One of the two got closer to make sure that it was, in fact Zero, and that he was, in fact, dead. He managed to yell back that the ripped-open abdomen was pretty conclusive and that a bone in his forearm was missing before…well, we’re not sure what exactly happened, since his partner is extremely unstable and unwilling to talk about it at this time, refusing to say more about it than “the fucking tree got him.”
The surviving agent also managed to grab a backpack belonging to Zero from near the tree, as well as the smartphone he posted from. The mask was also at the base of the tree, but the Agent who didn’t survive had that. They were unable to track down the sword and jade elephant he had discarded earlier, and, strangely enough, all the bones had vanished. Not a trace of them anywhere. All that’s left of Zero is a backpack and a phone…and not even that anymore, as the backpack has been burned and the phone smashed. The sword and the elephant are still out there, though. Good luck to anyone who thinks they can find them, I guess.
That’s the report. I’ll admit that it was a bit hard to remain professional for this one. If you want to see my personal thoughts on the matter, you can go to my own site, but I’m not putting them on here, just out of respect for the blog.
Show’s over, people. Nothing to see. Move along.
-Don’t Shoot The Messenger-
There were a couple Agents in the area tracking him when he went into a forest. They went in after him when he didn’t come out. They found a huge, dead tree (the surviving Agent says that they should have noticed a tree like that towering over the rest of the forest). Zero was hanging on one of the branches. One of the two got closer to make sure that it was, in fact Zero, and that he was, in fact, dead. He managed to yell back that the ripped-open abdomen was pretty conclusive and that a bone in his forearm was missing before…well, we’re not sure what exactly happened, since his partner is extremely unstable and unwilling to talk about it at this time, refusing to say more about it than “the fucking tree got him.”
The surviving agent also managed to grab a backpack belonging to Zero from near the tree, as well as the smartphone he posted from. The mask was also at the base of the tree, but the Agent who didn’t survive had that. They were unable to track down the sword and jade elephant he had discarded earlier, and, strangely enough, all the bones had vanished. Not a trace of them anywhere. All that’s left of Zero is a backpack and a phone…and not even that anymore, as the backpack has been burned and the phone smashed. The sword and the elephant are still out there, though. Good luck to anyone who thinks they can find them, I guess.
That’s the report. I’ll admit that it was a bit hard to remain professional for this one. If you want to see my personal thoughts on the matter, you can go to my own site, but I’m not putting them on here, just out of respect for the blog.
Show’s over, people. Nothing to see. Move along.
-Don’t Shoot The Messenger-
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
gguhhjk
hehhh
dud it\
one morse bone
hehhhhg
somuch bklood
numb
bklood
but igoty it
hahaha
fujk
up agansyt it noaw
onje moer bonse
minew
duieee
diieee
kill
kill
hhhehh
ill win
this
monseter
fainrt
somucgh blood
aet least wuill
wuill die
winner
hehhh
icamn see ut
its movihng
uipsetr
hahahhaa
heh
an emptry breanch
i
nver seent it wiyth oine empoty
wondr why it woul
dud it\
one morse bone
hehhhhg
somuch bklood
numb
bklood
but igoty it
hahaha
fujk
up agansyt it noaw
onje moer bonse
minew
duieee
diieee
kill
kill
hhhehh
ill win
this
monseter
fainrt
somucgh blood
aet least wuill
wuill die
winner
hehhh
icamn see ut
its movihng
uipsetr
hahahhaa
heh
an emptry breanch
i
nver seent it wiyth oine empoty
wondr why it woul
its time
i'm here finally on the right day in the right place
back where shit went south the first time
pardon any typos i have you see im outside of town
in a forest about 60 feet away from it
i had to let you know
fuck
im covered in mud fucking rain all over the place the last few days
and its there really there again just as i knew itd be
ive thought about what you guys have said
that maybe it wanted me to do this probably
but dammit i have to take a chance that i can kill this fucking thing
weaken it at least
weaken the monster
so i came here with the bones
no fancy tool made from them no chair no crossbow no golem
sorry to disappoint
i put black tape on my mask, covering them up a bit more, allowing only a small bit of vision
so i could avoid the eyes
cant let it get me again
never
fuck
i had to crawl up to it kept pushing me down
to the roots
they touch you you get all numb there
and weak
was wearing gloves it helped
i crawled up to its base
blood pulsing from beneath the bark
a body in each branch
amelia
slice
i dunno the others names
ill bury them when this is done
i can at least do that
before i turn myself in
wait
why is slice up there
slice
howd he get up there
body on each damn limb of it
still fresh
even hers
i dont get
i just
fuck
i crouched down beside it
and i reached up
and jammed that bone right in its fucking eye
kelley
nothing
again
porify or whatever the fuck his name is
slice
rika
not sure
the eye dimmed maybe
cant tell
have to blind it
have to kill it
other eye
the two i dont know
adam
amelia
its still here
fucking alive
fuck
why do i have to fail
why cant i ever
i have to
find a way
i just
fuck
no cant accept it
gotta find a way
cant stop me
has to die
have to die
heh
just
forget about me
forget
please
just a failure
no hero
here
but damn
maybe i can
heh heh ehhh
oh
thats it
fuck
heheh
hahahahaaaaa
right
of course
hold on
ill explain soon
back where shit went south the first time
pardon any typos i have you see im outside of town
in a forest about 60 feet away from it
i had to let you know
fuck
im covered in mud fucking rain all over the place the last few days
and its there really there again just as i knew itd be
ive thought about what you guys have said
that maybe it wanted me to do this probably
but dammit i have to take a chance that i can kill this fucking thing
weaken it at least
weaken the monster
so i came here with the bones
no fancy tool made from them no chair no crossbow no golem
sorry to disappoint
i put black tape on my mask, covering them up a bit more, allowing only a small bit of vision
so i could avoid the eyes
cant let it get me again
never
fuck
i had to crawl up to it kept pushing me down
to the roots
they touch you you get all numb there
and weak
was wearing gloves it helped
i crawled up to its base
blood pulsing from beneath the bark
a body in each branch
amelia
slice
i dunno the others names
ill bury them when this is done
i can at least do that
before i turn myself in
wait
why is slice up there
slice
howd he get up there
body on each damn limb of it
still fresh
even hers
i dont get
i just
fuck
i crouched down beside it
and i reached up
and jammed that bone right in its fucking eye
kelley
nothing
again
porify or whatever the fuck his name is
slice
rika
not sure
the eye dimmed maybe
cant tell
have to blind it
have to kill it
other eye
the two i dont know
adam
amelia
its still here
fucking alive
fuck
why do i have to fail
why cant i ever
i have to
find a way
i just
fuck
no cant accept it
gotta find a way
cant stop me
has to die
have to die
heh
just
forget about me
forget
please
just a failure
no hero
here
but damn
maybe i can
heh heh ehhh
oh
thats it
fuck
heheh
hahahahaaaaa
right
of course
hold on
ill explain soon
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Everything you ever...
It seems some people have welcomed me back into the fold already, others are rightfully upset, still I am surprised by the mostly heartfelt showing of sympathy and support.
You know, aside from you asses that are calling me 'Emo'.
I've just been walking for the last few days, slowly, trying to recover my bearings, its a nice change of pace, since I've had no real events struck me since my last encounter with Glass Man. I've taken this time to think about oddities of life, of morality, and spirituality. I've tried to appreciate the things I've lost during these last few months. Simple things like color.
Sort of funny to think how quickly a person can be tolerated if not forgiven. I remember seeing this months ago, back during the previous blog.
You know, the one I wrote when I was all eager to die for a cause, and did my best to subtly martyr myself?
Anyway, back then, we had a few proxy cases that went around. Pretty much you would see binary code spewing from someone's mouth like it was digital Tourette's (which does not work that way). So we had people sort of shift sides, back and forth.
Like Nessa.
A sweet girl who got into a mess, and destroyed a lot of hope when shit got real. Sounds familiar?
However I digress. I'm talking about atoning, at least in a spiritual if not religious sense.. I'll leave that religious stuff to people who know a damn thing about anything.
I am of the personal belief that sincerity and conviction are key to really, honestly being forgiven for sin. Such as in my case, I've got 9 bones that show exactly how much sin I need to absolve before I die. Sure some of them are from evil people, but still murder was committed in each case, whether deserving of it, (Rika, Porify, Jekyll), done in mercy, (Slice, Kelley), in desperation, (two unknown people, and someone named Adam), or in a complete accident. (You know her name).
By my guesstimate, I think I owe the world a karmic re balancing of about... 285 years of helping others in all ways possible.
This means I'm going to end up dying, still many, many years in debt to pay the balance of lives lost in madness.
I think a morally strong, character filled man might silently nod, determined to fulfill his duty.
and I'm just not strong enough to accept that
The idea of dying as a failure,
a fraud, and a sick raving murderer, it's disgusts me
I can't do it. I just can't.
I couldn't even carry around the guilt of what
Nowadays I see how that drove me to desperation, denial.
And being a person short on time, and short of willpower, I think I really have only two shots at considering myself redeemed in my own eyes.
Considering my luck the last time I strode off into a forest to kill our foe, I think it's best if I try the second option.
You know, the one that ended up mindfucking me into a shattered state of which I am still recovering.
I'm going back to the tree that caused this entire mess
And I've got to kill it.
I can't live knowing its out there.
I just
I think about the bodies
I have to prove that it doesn't control me anymore, that it has no power over me, that some good can come from evil, and that I can kill this fucking thing that follows my every goddman move
It won't make up for the entirety of what i've done, but it's going to be a start,
and who knows? Maybe it'll give me the key to killing our true foe
You know, aside from you asses that are calling me 'Emo'.
I've just been walking for the last few days, slowly, trying to recover my bearings, its a nice change of pace, since I've had no real events struck me since my last encounter with Glass Man. I've taken this time to think about oddities of life, of morality, and spirituality. I've tried to appreciate the things I've lost during these last few months. Simple things like color.
Sort of funny to think how quickly a person can be tolerated if not forgiven. I remember seeing this months ago, back during the previous blog.
You know, the one I wrote when I was all eager to die for a cause, and did my best to subtly martyr myself?
Anyway, back then, we had a few proxy cases that went around. Pretty much you would see binary code spewing from someone's mouth like it was digital Tourette's (which does not work that way). So we had people sort of shift sides, back and forth.
Like Nessa.
A sweet girl who got into a mess, and destroyed a lot of hope when shit got real. Sounds familiar?
However I digress. I'm talking about atoning, at least in a spiritual if not religious sense.. I'll leave that religious stuff to people who know a damn thing about anything.
I am of the personal belief that sincerity and conviction are key to really, honestly being forgiven for sin. Such as in my case, I've got 9 bones that show exactly how much sin I need to absolve before I die. Sure some of them are from evil people, but still murder was committed in each case, whether deserving of it, (Rika, Porify, Jekyll), done in mercy, (Slice, Kelley), in desperation, (two unknown people, and someone named Adam), or in a complete accident. (You know her name).
By my guesstimate, I think I owe the world a karmic re balancing of about... 285 years of helping others in all ways possible.
This means I'm going to end up dying, still many, many years in debt to pay the balance of lives lost in madness.
I think a morally strong, character filled man might silently nod, determined to fulfill his duty.
and I'm just not strong enough to accept that
The idea of dying as a failure,
a fraud, and a sick raving murderer, it's disgusts me
I can't do it. I just can't.
I couldn't even carry around the guilt of what
Nowadays I see how that drove me to desperation, denial.
And being a person short on time, and short of willpower, I think I really have only two shots at considering myself redeemed in my own eyes.
Considering my luck the last time I strode off into a forest to kill our foe, I think it's best if I try the second option.
You know, the one that ended up mindfucking me into a shattered state of which I am still recovering.
I'm going back to the tree that caused this entire mess
And I've got to kill it.
I can't live knowing its out there.
I just
I think about the bodies
I have to prove that it doesn't control me anymore, that it has no power over me, that some good can come from evil, and that I can kill this fucking thing that follows my every goddman move
It won't make up for the entirety of what i've done, but it's going to be a start,
and who knows? Maybe it'll give me the key to killing our true foe
One more thing, guys.
Maybe
If it does it again...
well, Glass and any of you others that have promised to end me...
you know what to do
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